The Curvy Girl Club: All Grown Up
Chapter 1 - Rory
I stared at the pregnancy test on the counter, praying for two pink lines to appear. The strip slowly saturated, and the control line turned pink. I crossed my fingers on both hands, hoping with everything I had that this would be my month. This would be the month our family truly began.
I didn’t see a second line at first, but I knew the directions well enough to know that even the faintest of lines meant pregnant. A little flicker of hope held out as I lifted the test up close to my eyes, hoping there was something I’d missed. Something that I hadn’t caught at first.
But all that stared back at me was... nothing.
With tears stinging my eyes, I threw the test in the trash, one of dozens to hit that trash can in the last year and a half of trying and failing and trying again, only to reach the end of the month and feel like my body had betrayed me.
Betrayed us.
Beckett was still getting dressed in the bedroom, getting ready to leave on a work trip that would keep him away for a few days, and I’d wanted so badly to give him good news. Something that would make him want to rush home.
Instead, he got me.
I stared in the mirror, wishing I didn’t have this desire, this need to have a family. Instead, I saw red-rimmed eyes, PCOS acne, and the knowledge that there was no life growing inside me.
I put on my makeup, trying to get ready for the day through the pain that hollowed out my chest every month. It was a cruel joke, being an art teacher and working with children day after day when you couldn’t have any of your own.
Then I slipped into the stretchy dress pants that were great for moving around and a flowy blouse I wouldn’t mind getting paint on. With nothing left to do, I stepped out of the en suite bathroom.
My husband stood beside the bed, placing clothes into his travel bag stamped with the Brentwood Badgers logo. He was handsome when we started dating senior year, but he was even better looking now, with his brown hair cropped just long enough to be messy. His eyelashes unfairly dark and long. His jaw strong, clean-shaven. He’d gone from a boy to man in every way, and I’d gotten to experience it all with him.
That conventional wisdom was right when it said to marry your best friend. We were coming up on three years of marriage next month, and in so many ways, it had been the best three years of my life. The only thing that could have made it better was having a little
Beckett running around our home. Getting to see the way Beckett loved a child of our own like he did our nine-month-old nephew.
Aiden, my brother, and his wife Casey’s baby had been a surprise in their last year of college. Casey gave birth a month after graduating, but their family, their child, was perfect in every way.
Beckett glanced up from his bag, a hopeful look in his hazel eyes, and it took all I had not to break down in tears all over again. Unable to speak, I only shook my head, and he took me in his arms, holding me close.
“I’m sorry,” I cried, the dam fully breaking.
“It’s okay,” he breathed, stroking my hair as he held me. “It’s just not our time yet. A baby will come. I promise.”
I didn’t know if I believed him. I’d been so excited to try for a family after I landed a job teaching art at our old school, Emerson Academy. With both of us having good jobs—him as the official photographer for the local professional football team and me as a teacher—there was nothing holding us back... except me.
He drew back, keeping his hands on my shoulders and looking me in the eye. “Hey, remember what you said in your vows?”
I nodded slowly. “’It’s always you and me against the world.’”
He smiled gently, then pressed a kiss to my lips. “Just as true today as it was then.”
I nodded, wanting to change the subject. “About ready for your trip?”
“Yeah, but I left my flash at the office.”
“Shoot,” I said, turning to the closet and looking for the socks my students loved. They were pink with paint brushes and palettes all over.
“Are you sure you don’t want to fly to Pittsburgh after school lets out and hang out with me before the game?”
I pulled the socks out and turned to him.
“I promised Aiden and Casey I’d help them with a mural in Casen’s room this weekend.”
Concern crossed his hazel eyes. They captivated me just as much now as they always had. “Are you sure you’re up for it, considering...” He gestured toward the bathroom.
“It’ll be good,” I lied. I lifted my lips slightly to make it more convincing. “Plus, maybe holding Casen for a little while will make my arms feel less empty.”
Beckett pressed his hand to my cheek. “Call me, text me, whenever, okay? I’m here for you.”
I took his hand and kissed the inside of his palm. Even though The Kissing Hand was technically a children’s book, I liked thinking my love would go with him wherever he went. “I love you, Beckett Langley.”
“I love you, Rory Langley.”
My smile was genuine this time. The sound of my name on his lips never got old.
He zipped his bag closed and put the strap over his shoulder. “I’ll be back Wednesday morning. Can you get off for lunch? I can bring over some takeout and eat with you.”
I nodded. “I can swap lunch duty with Mom.”
“Perfect.” He kissed my cheek, then left.
But being alone in our home felt so much lonelier than ever before. We had a beautiful three-bedroom house that we’d decorated room by room, painting the walls with murals and hanging pieces of art we held dear. But the negative pregnancy test in the bathroom trash can was all I could think of.
Unable to ignore it, I got a plastic bag and put the test inside, then left for school, bringing it with me.
Since teachers had to get there early, the parking lot was pretty much empty, but my mom’s car was among the vehicles already there. I went to the high school building, where I worked in the mornings, and went directly to her classroom.
She had her head bent over the desk, focusing on papers, but I put the pregnancy test down in front of her.
She looked from me to the test, and the hope in her eyes almost gutted me. But when she looked closer, she frowned. “Negative again? Are you sure you were testing your temperature at the right time to track your ovulation? Maybe it’s time to go by cervical mucus instead?”
I frowned. “I’m certain I ovulated this month. What I want to know is why you always made getting pregnant seem so easy in health class! You made it sound like the first time I looked at a guy, he’d have eye-sex with me and plant a baby in there!” I gestured at my stomach.
“The curriculum definitely leans more toward pregnancy prevention for high schoolers, Rory, not family planning.” She was trying to be gentle, I could tell, but Mom was straightforward, as usual. “We didn’t exactly want you all tracking your cycles and getting pregnant on purpose.”
I rolled my eyes. “And of course, it was easy for Aiden and Casey. They probably did the whole eye-sex thing.”
Mom laughed. “You’re probably right. And they suffered plenty for it. Casey had to drop out of the track team that last year. Their student loans are so high now.”
I didn’t want to say it, but I’d pay triple the loans I had if it meant I’d have a baby in my arms.
“You’ve done everything right,” Mom said, taking the test and putting it in the trash can beside her desk. “The metformin helped with your insulin resistance. You’ve been going to yoga after school to manage your stress. You’re ovulating. It will happen for you, honey. I know it.”
My heart ached painfully. “We’ve been trying so long; it just seems hopeless.”
“Maybe it’s time to try Clomid?”
I nodded, playing with the edges of my shirt. Beckett and I weren’t crazy about Clomid and the possibility of multiples, knowing it would be so much for us to handle at once, but maybe we could talk about it when he got back.
“You know what you need?” Mom said. “A girls’ weekend to get away and forget it all for a little while. Maybe you can get the old crew together... Isn’t Callie living in a vacation spot now?”
I laughed slightly. “I’d hardly call central North Carolina a vacation spot, but maybe we can meet at Myrtle Beach. If Jordan ever has any time off school.”
“Great idea,” Mom said. She looked behind me and said, “Hi, Belinda! Can I help you?”
I turned and smiled at the girl. She was one of the best students in the senior class. “Hey, girl, hey,” I said to her, smiling. Then I waved to Mom. “See you later.”
I got out my phone as I walked to my classroom and sent a text to the Curvy Girl Club group chat. It had been a couple weeks since we’d texted, with everyone so wrapped up in their jobs and relationships.
I wanted to change that. I missed them so freaking much, missed the days when we met at Zara’s locker to talk in the morning and went to Waldo’s Diner for milkshakes after a football game.
So I sent a text.
Rory: Anyone up for a group chat tonight?
Zara was the first to reply.
Zara: As long as it involves margaritas.
